Lots of bands and artists have been the "Biggest Band on Earth" for 10 or even 20 minutes consecutively....The Police, Wang Chung, Duran Duran, Flock of Seagulls. ABC, The Fixx, Haircut 100, Wham!, Frankie Goes To Hollywood, The Escape Club, A-Ha, Saga, Kim Carnes, Kim Wilde, DOA, (the English disco band not the Canadian punk band) Crash Test Dummies, Kings Of Leon, Lady Gaga, The Darkness, Coldplay, 311, The Killers, Black Eyed Peas, Live, Chumbawamba, Jet, My Chemical Romance, Dashboard Confessional, Dave Mathews, Stained, Creed, Switchfoot, POD, Marilyn Manson, and yes even Lubricated Goat. Still, mysteriously they have all graced the covers of every major music and media magazine, albeit magnanimously, methodically, and with mounting momentum, melding their mediocre mainstream marketing moxie with their murderous musical malice simultaneously...and inadvertently creating the masochistic, mundane, monstrosities that we have all come to know and loathe. And really, one has to wonder, why all the "One Hit Wonders?"
Now I am not saying anything disrespectful about those bands...I absolutely love Men Without Hats with their song "Safety Dance", Modern English's "I'll Stop The World", and who could forget Cutting Crew's "(I Just) Died In Your Arms Tonight". I have a great idea! If you are going to make a career out of just one song, please make it as cool and funny as The Vapors song "Turning Japanese". I really think so, think so, think so...
So write at least three good songs. Or more. Make 'em all great if you can. My songwriting mantra is as follows: 1) Every Song For Itself. Easy enough to decipher...Do not use formats or formulas. Example: Ian Astbury from the Cult sings about 'fire woman, you're to blame' and 'fire woman' as well as 'smokestack lightning' in at least three songs. He must have a really great weed connection! Or maybe the Fire Woman is his songwriting mantra. Who knows with that guy? 2) Don't Do Filler. Never record, release, or perform a song that is underwhelming or not up to your songwriting standards. Sounds tough but is as easy as pie once you get the hang of it. Be your own worst critic so we (audience) won't have to be.
Oh yeah, and the single most important songwriting key for me personally, is to take LSD at least twice a year, preferably in public, at a high profile event that most people would NEVER even smoke weed before, let alone FRY. Think weddings, court appearances, job interviews, front row at the Minnesota Opera, or my personal favorite: Getting my photograph taken with uniformed police officers. I started doing this when I was 18 at a tiny strip mall near Mira Mesa High School, my alma mater. Believe it or not it was at the donut store! Thanks to Steve Huber for that first photo! I have been doing it ever since....nearly 26 times over the years in a half dozen major American cities, 11 small towns, on Naval Air Station Miramar with the MPs, and once while I surrendered a switch blade I found to 4 of Minneapolis' Finest while they ate lunch at the now non-existent Perkins in Uptown, Minneapolis. Do not try this without reading my pamphlet entitled " Getting Your Picture Made With On Duty Cops While On Acid" Take care kiddies!
